Home-Day 85-August 24, 2021

Welcome to my Pre-Birthday Blog…

Its a big one, the birthday that is, not the blog…

I feel somewhat more apprehensive about 51 than I did about 50…

Lets be frank, there’s a lot going on and I am starting to feel like a bunny picking up the scent of a predator. I feel panicked, exhilarated, on the edge of bolting off wildly in one direction or the other.

The next 2-3 months are going to dictate not just how my 51st year is going to go, but likely the remaining 20-30 I have left.

Will I be a self-sustaining visual story teller making a living at his craft…

Or will I be a job chaser going form one thing to another trying to scrape by while still trying to develop what I feel I have been put on earth to do.

Its horrible that money should dictate the outcome, but it does….

Calendar sales have been great, but not stellar…

Etsy sales have been decent, but not overwhelming….

Print and canvas sales have dried up, I haven’t sold a piece in almost a month…

I thought NFT’s might represent a breakthrough for me, was very excited to get involved in them to be honest, but so far I have spent more in listing/gas fees than I have received in bids on the work I have minted.

I was very excited to have been invited to be a part of Foundation, the very best NFT site for artists but when I looked at minting some work it was going to cost me $160+ USD just to mint with no guarantee of success and frankly, I don’t have that kind of money to throw at a what if.

Tonights blog was going to be about entering my 51st year on a high note, that I was going to be minting a series of four photos in a collection called Time Progresses, I was excited to talk about why I chose the four photos I did, about how the flaking paint on the boat represented the layers of experience I have broken through to get to where I am, about how there is beauty in the decay, that the story of how we got to the state we are now is every bit as important as the beginning and the end…

Instead I am frustrated and embarrassed because I made a big deal about minting these NFT’s only to discover that I am not in a position to do so. After working my ass off for the past two years in particular to hone my skill, to develop my style and to share my story I am right back to where I started in many way. Not being able to do what I thought I should have been able to do at this stage.

I don’t know…

I’m worried.. stressed and not as optimistic as I was….

Maybe it will work out in my favour, maybe it will just be one day merging into the next while I end up working a job because I have to.

Not what I thought 51 would be….

At least I have the love and support of my family… they deserve all the things I can’t give them right now, and they are so damn good to be content with the things we do have…. I would just like to give them more….

Sorry folks, wasn’t my intention to be a downer…. I’m just in one of those places…

Oh, here is the poster for the NFT I was hoping to Mint, I still will, I guess, when I am in a financial spot that allows me to….

Good night all…

See you in year 51

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