Guts are back in now….

What a goddamn day it was…… sorry for the profanity, but that’s just what it was, a goddamn day.

First, an apology, for the massive and public overreaction I had to discovering that someone had done a book of the same theme as I had in mind, and had named the collected works the same as my working title for one of the TWO books I am producing…

Really? Well duh… OF COURSE it’s been done before. Resettlement and the fallout surrounding it was a hammer blow to the cultural and societal identity of Newfoundland and Labrador, it wrought seismic changes to the lives of the people who lived and loved in hundreds of small communities dotted across the province. It left 300 communities abandoned in a blink, over 30,000 people were taken from all they knew and put somewhere else. Churches, schools, business were left to crumble to dust. Many homes were dismantled or floated to new locations.

OF COURSE someone thought to photograph the aftermath 30 years or so later….

I’m just disappointed I didn’t discover it sooner….

So, the project continues. I am still awaiting a reply from Mr. Walden re: the Unsettled name. I have a couple of options in mind should he wish I change the title. I will honor that request and I will also likely include in my acknowledgements the hard work completed by Mr. Walden 20 years ago in his project. In fact, as a homage to the work he has done, I am considering visiting some of the sites he photographed and doing MY style of shot, of the same location, 20 years on. I don’t know if those works will make it to the fine art book or not, but they would certainly make it here to the blog.

So, again, sorry for the collapse. I have talked at length about my mental fragility and I am trying really hard to temper my reactions to things. I expect the worst always, and its a horrible way to live. I think that’s why I am so appreciative of kindness and generosity, it always comes as a complete shock to me and leaves me stunned and giddy with positive emotion. That’s exactly how I felt at the end of the day yesterday, the communities outpouring of support and encouragement was nothing short of breath taking in its power and scope. I received emails, messages and even phone calls telling me that the work I am doing is valuable, that it brings some respite to folks in their day to day.

Its all I ever want, is to make people happy…. myself included.

Now, I want to talk about something that’s kind of bothering me. Not in an oh my god the world is collapsing, I can’t go on, this isn’t fair, I’m picking up my ball and going home variety of bothered but bothered none-the-less….

Where are the Newfoundland influencers and the Newfoundlanders with a voice loud enough to make a difference to this project?

I don’t understand why none of the Newfoundlanders who could reach so many are so silent on this. Maybe they just don’t know about it? Again, this isn’t about me now, isn’t about me having a successful Kickstarter or ANYTHING really to do with ME. Ok, well, maybe a little to do with me, as it is my project, and I am the Newfoundlander who is trying to preserve some of our history while trying REALLY hard to carve out an existence from doing it, providing for his family and reinventing who he is and what he does at 50 due to the adverse and long term chronic affects of two spinal surgeries, job loss, bankruptcy and mental health issues…… DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BREATH lol….

But yeah. I know when if I become more influential I will always look for opportunities to advance the dreams and projects of folks who are struggling, who have something important to say. Heck, I do that now with the little voice I do have. I want to be clear though, these folks, the celebs of the world, the movers and the shakers, they own me or you NOTHING… NOTHING….. they worked their collective asses off, hustled every day to get to where they are, the level they are. They are to be commended. I’m just surprised that after the media articles, the tags, the shares, the chatter than none of the folks in that circle has done as much as share the project AND what the project is about there hasn’t been more support….

What a friggin ego I have hey? To think that they would do that, to be surprised they haven’t.

Call it what you will, trust me, I have enough self doubts and self hates to balance out that little bit of “WHY AREN’T YOU HELPING ME” ego shout… I could take up couch space in an therapists office for months and talk about crap I am dealing with before we ever got close to the positive part of my ego.

Anyway, if your are a famous entity, throw my project some love would ya? It’s going to be awesome, just like me…. oh crap, there’s that ego again….

Friggin thing….